how much i believe this to be true

cuz i want to tell the world
how happy i am to be alive
i want you all to know
we do so much more than merely survive
and it may sound cliché to say
how much life means to me
but if you only knew what i’ve been through
you would understand how i see

and i want to tell the world
how wonderful it feels to breathe
i wish you all could know
the experience of learning to seethe
with hopeful inspiration
found in each moment, now
if you only opened your heart and mind
you would know that you always knew how

the moment you opened your eyes
the world was amazing to you
everything was such a surprise
every step was learning something new
and that perspective is still there
like a rainbow inside of you
if you’d only set yourself free
there is no limit to what you can do

and i want to tell the world
how much i believe this to be true
but most of all i want to tell the world
how much i love you

OHHHHH-KAY!

perhaps alvin's most famous quote, it sings forth from the deepest rafters as the music returned to the party this week (and oh, the dancing that ensued in the head and other locales, not to mention more than a dozen blogs as words will flow cuz music makes the gardens grow as those who know already know)... you must remember this, in your own way (as words are mine, yeah), at least, if you are to understand anything about me or the party of living...

and the magic of gigglefarts, no doubt :)

why don't i feel lonely anymore?

it used to be i wanted
to love and to be loved so much
i craved for sharing with someone,
i ached for the human touch
i do not know exactly when
or how or even why but i am very sure
at this precise moment in time
i wonder why don't i feel lonely anymore

when did i stop feeling sorry for myself
when did i stop depending on someone else
when did i remember what this life's about
when did i stop waiting to let myself out

i've always been inside
waiting for you
the one who would make
all my dreams come true
somehow i used to think
i could not be
completely happy
unless you were here with me

did you ever feel this way?
do you ever feel lonely?
do you understand anything?
about having a one and only
have you ever been in love?
have you ever found the source?
have you become one of those fools
so worried about staying the course

following someone somewhere
as if you were not enough
as if the first book you ever read
was three billy goats gruff

but do you know why the child laughs
that irresistable with eyes open so wide
it is because the child knows the truth
the party was always going on inside

(you don't know what you're missing)

:)

mind games forever

so much amazing mental games are going on in my head tonight, not unlike most nights in my head, but there is more excitement about the games tonight for some reason, as if sharing the games is closer than ever, but that is not based on any concrete evidence, so the ethereal muses must be playing tricks on me, which is one of the most fun amazing mental games of them all...

first of may

but you and i
our love will never die
and yes we'll cry
come first of may

tears belong at a party for many reasons... a wake, for instance, is a place for tears of farewell and missing the physical presence of someone who is no longer going to smile and laugh and be a human in this life outside of your mind and perhaps some artifacts, material memories, things you give meaning with your mind... and those same tears are the joy of the memories, the emotion that person inspired in the flesh and continues to inspire in your mind...

for me, the first of may brings such tears, of loss and death, and more, of beautiful memories and hope for more... i am throwing a party for a first of may feeling at this moment... thank goodness i still can after all this time... i thank the first inspiration, amy, for introducing me to these feelings and treasure the memories she and others have added to the first of may parties over the years...

the date on the calendar does not matter, for this feeling is timeless... perhaps it is because the first of december is approaching, or perhaps it is because any moment can be a first of may moment because, after all, it is all in the mind...

still going on

it doesn't have to make sense (usually it doesn't cuz sense requires some sort of serious thinking and who wants to do serious thinking at a party? {unless it's a serious thinking party, or a game party, or something like that} not any fleas i know), it doesn't have to be good, just feel good, that's all, feel good and everything is alright... and to feel good, you need the feel to be italicized, of course, or not, cuz it's up to you...

and even as the world is crumbling down around me, i can feel (wait, i can feel, yeah, that's it), even as i feel like the people i invested the most in are the first to abandon me, even as i remember traumas and cruelties and negativities of my most innocent moments from the start of this life, i still feel and that's all it takes for the party to start (even if it's sometimes a pity party, those can be fun too for a little while)...

it's still going on, and maybe that is the part of me that is hardest to understand or touch because, well, it doesn't require understanding either, no sense, no understanding, just being and feeling being... the experience of feeling being is the party, when will everybody get that?...

well, i'll be here when they do... you too... you are welcome, you know (you oughta know)... the moment you are feeling and know you are at the party, you will be here, wherever you are... and i will feel you and you will feel me and we will feel each other and everything (though not everything is italicized, cha)...

it's not magic or superhuman or special or anything anyone else can not do... i stress, i fret, i mourn, i feel sad and i feel pain, i know doubts and guilt and shame and fear and all the negative feelings sometimes... i just ignore it... it's inside, it's there, it's not gonna drop an anvil on my head or throw a rock at me no matter how much i might fear it will... it is that simple... ignore it and feel (gotta have the feeling, whatever feeling it is, push the fear aside enough to feel and you are at the party (or you could just stay and watch the show until your party comes along)...

it's in there... inside of you, i mean... you'll know someday if not today... the party is life and i'd love you to share it with me, but you don't have to... it goes on with or without us, but it's so much more fun with...

i'll save you a seat :)

just live it

it doesn't matter what you say
it doesn't matter what you do
you end up dying anyway
you may not ever have a clue
your life is all a game you play
i'm not telling you anything new
so why not be yourself today
that is the best that you can do

just be you
this is life
and it's yours
just live it

just be you
party life
open doors
and give it

a chance to be the best life you can live
i'll tell you a little secret now
if you want to know how
it's not what you take
it's not what you have
what makes you who you are is what you give
give yourself a chance to live
the best life you can live

it doesn't matter what you wear
it doesn't matter how you look
those who don't look past the cover
never get to read the book
and life is just the play you write
i'm not telling you anything new
so why not play yourself today
that is the best that you can do

just be you
this is life
and it's yours
just live it

just be you
party life
open doors
and give it

a chance to be the best life you can live
i'll tell you a little secret now
if you want to know how
it's not what you take
it's not what you have
what makes you who you are is what you give
give yourself a chance to live
the best life you can live

and every thing keeps change
there is nothing to fear
invest yourself in something
that inspires you to care
give your love your power
be honest with yourself
remember life is for living
not sitting on a shelf

open your book and fill the pages
write what you know is true
believe in yourself, you are beautiful
that's the best you can do

just be you
this is life
and it's yours
just live it

just be you
party life
open doors
and give it

a chance to be the best life you can live
i'll tell you a little secret now
if you want to know how
it's not what you take
it's not what you have
what makes you who you are is what you give
give yourself a chance to live
the best life you can live

party going on inside

all the self-pity
and the woe is me
is a wasted lazy
fantasy

but i still feel bad
and i still feel sad
and i still miss lovers
i once had
and i still have dreams
and i still wish for
someone to share
everything and more

but the bottom line
what i know is mine
is the party going on inside
when all else is dashed or denied
there's still a roller coaster ride
and i love it at the bottom line
i will not hide
cuz there's a party going on inside

the party of life

yeah, baby, even, this is where i'm gonna come when i am in touch with that part of me that knows life is a party and every moment is a blessing to experience (even the most crappiest ones of all cuz what else is there?... wait, don't answer that, i wanna be surprised :)