still going on

it doesn't have to make sense (usually it doesn't cuz sense requires some sort of serious thinking and who wants to do serious thinking at a party? {unless it's a serious thinking party, or a game party, or something like that} not any fleas i know), it doesn't have to be good, just feel good, that's all, feel good and everything is alright... and to feel good, you need the feel to be italicized, of course, or not, cuz it's up to you...

and even as the world is crumbling down around me, i can feel (wait, i can feel, yeah, that's it), even as i feel like the people i invested the most in are the first to abandon me, even as i remember traumas and cruelties and negativities of my most innocent moments from the start of this life, i still feel and that's all it takes for the party to start (even if it's sometimes a pity party, those can be fun too for a little while)...

it's still going on, and maybe that is the part of me that is hardest to understand or touch because, well, it doesn't require understanding either, no sense, no understanding, just being and feeling being... the experience of feeling being is the party, when will everybody get that?...

well, i'll be here when they do... you too... you are welcome, you know (you oughta know)... the moment you are feeling and know you are at the party, you will be here, wherever you are... and i will feel you and you will feel me and we will feel each other and everything (though not everything is italicized, cha)...

it's not magic or superhuman or special or anything anyone else can not do... i stress, i fret, i mourn, i feel sad and i feel pain, i know doubts and guilt and shame and fear and all the negative feelings sometimes... i just ignore it... it's inside, it's there, it's not gonna drop an anvil on my head or throw a rock at me no matter how much i might fear it will... it is that simple... ignore it and feel (gotta have the feeling, whatever feeling it is, push the fear aside enough to feel and you are at the party (or you could just stay and watch the show until your party comes along)...

it's in there... inside of you, i mean... you'll know someday if not today... the party is life and i'd love you to share it with me, but you don't have to... it goes on with or without us, but it's so much more fun with...

i'll save you a seat :)