hungover from the party of life

feeling hungover from the party of life?... it happens sometimes... too much party stuff from one side of the party shelf... especially too much consumables... especially if you consume poisons to dull your senses or alter your perception cuz those throw your body and brain into a panic mode and the euphoria is your brain sending out all sorts of chemicals in a mad dash effort to save your body from death ya know?... yeah, i left most of the poison party stuff behind a while back...

don't get me wrong, i tried everything, enjoyed some, but after a decade or more of i decided i enjoyed life with complete access to all senses and mental clarity more than anything else and restrict my poisons overdosing on sugar and caffeine or chocolate or other stuff in the less immediately lethal category... still, the mind and body react and sometimes there is quite a hangover of chemical reactions that leave the mind numb (or headaching) and the body whoozy (or sick)... today, i've got a case of the numb woozy... since i've got nothing to do until tonight i can sit back and enjoy (then run some of it off :)

it was a food party that got me here, in fact, a series of food parties going on for a week or more (amidst a period of weekend or week-long food parties over the past year or so)... i could be mistaken for being pregnant when viewed from the side... laughter can remedy that so feel free to laugh with me... nothing a week of exercise and eating sensibly won't flatten, but the rest of the body might take a month or two to completely recover from the long-term multiple food parties... ah, this party of living needs balance to continue - so it is time to remember how much i enjoy the party of physical exercise... spring softball season is kicking off so i'll have five games a week, at least... and between games, the runner needs to wake up... yeah, gonna get the brain to kick in some adrenaline and endorphins to balance this party of life...

hope you are enjoying your party - only you can do it, ya know? :)

how much i believe this to be true

cuz i want to tell the world
how happy i am to be alive
i want you all to know
we do so much more than merely survive
and it may sound cliché to say
how much life means to me
but if you only knew what i’ve been through
you would understand how i see

and i want to tell the world
how wonderful it feels to breathe
i wish you all could know
the experience of learning to seethe
with hopeful inspiration
found in each moment, now
if you only opened your heart and mind
you would know that you always knew how

the moment you opened your eyes
the world was amazing to you
everything was such a surprise
every step was learning something new
and that perspective is still there
like a rainbow inside of you
if you’d only set yourself free
there is no limit to what you can do

and i want to tell the world
how much i believe this to be true
but most of all i want to tell the world
how much i love you

OHHHHH-KAY!

perhaps alvin's most famous quote, it sings forth from the deepest rafters as the music returned to the party this week (and oh, the dancing that ensued in the head and other locales, not to mention more than a dozen blogs as words will flow cuz music makes the gardens grow as those who know already know)... you must remember this, in your own way (as words are mine, yeah), at least, if you are to understand anything about me or the party of living...

and the magic of gigglefarts, no doubt :)

why don't i feel lonely anymore?

it used to be i wanted
to love and to be loved so much
i craved for sharing with someone,
i ached for the human touch
i do not know exactly when
or how or even why but i am very sure
at this precise moment in time
i wonder why don't i feel lonely anymore

when did i stop feeling sorry for myself
when did i stop depending on someone else
when did i remember what this life's about
when did i stop waiting to let myself out

i've always been inside
waiting for you
the one who would make
all my dreams come true
somehow i used to think
i could not be
completely happy
unless you were here with me

did you ever feel this way?
do you ever feel lonely?
do you understand anything?
about having a one and only
have you ever been in love?
have you ever found the source?
have you become one of those fools
so worried about staying the course

following someone somewhere
as if you were not enough
as if the first book you ever read
was three billy goats gruff

but do you know why the child laughs
that irresistable with eyes open so wide
it is because the child knows the truth
the party was always going on inside

(you don't know what you're missing)

:)

still going on

it doesn't have to make sense (usually it doesn't cuz sense requires some sort of serious thinking and who wants to do serious thinking at a party? {unless it's a serious thinking party, or a game party, or something like that} not any fleas i know), it doesn't have to be good, just feel good, that's all, feel good and everything is alright... and to feel good, you need the feel to be italicized, of course, or not, cuz it's up to you...

and even as the world is crumbling down around me, i can feel (wait, i can feel, yeah, that's it), even as i feel like the people i invested the most in are the first to abandon me, even as i remember traumas and cruelties and negativities of my most innocent moments from the start of this life, i still feel and that's all it takes for the party to start (even if it's sometimes a pity party, those can be fun too for a little while)...

it's still going on, and maybe that is the part of me that is hardest to understand or touch because, well, it doesn't require understanding either, no sense, no understanding, just being and feeling being... the experience of feeling being is the party, when will everybody get that?...

well, i'll be here when they do... you too... you are welcome, you know (you oughta know)... the moment you are feeling and know you are at the party, you will be here, wherever you are... and i will feel you and you will feel me and we will feel each other and everything (though not everything is italicized, cha)...

it's not magic or superhuman or special or anything anyone else can not do... i stress, i fret, i mourn, i feel sad and i feel pain, i know doubts and guilt and shame and fear and all the negative feelings sometimes... i just ignore it... it's inside, it's there, it's not gonna drop an anvil on my head or throw a rock at me no matter how much i might fear it will... it is that simple... ignore it and feel (gotta have the feeling, whatever feeling it is, push the fear aside enough to feel and you are at the party (or you could just stay and watch the show until your party comes along)...

it's in there... inside of you, i mean... you'll know someday if not today... the party is life and i'd love you to share it with me, but you don't have to... it goes on with or without us, but it's so much more fun with...

i'll save you a seat :)