maybe it's the time of year

the music is the party going on all the time in me, even when all the world seems silent, the music is enjoying its home in me...

mind games forever

so much amazing mental games are going on in my head tonight, not unlike most nights in my head, but there is more excitement about the games tonight for some reason, as if sharing the games is closer than ever, but that is not based on any concrete evidence, so the ethereal muses must be playing tricks on me, which is one of the most fun amazing mental games of them all...

first of may

but you and i
our love will never die
and yes we'll cry
come first of may

tears belong at a party for many reasons... a wake, for instance, is a place for tears of farewell and missing the physical presence of someone who is no longer going to smile and laugh and be a human in this life outside of your mind and perhaps some artifacts, material memories, things you give meaning with your mind... and those same tears are the joy of the memories, the emotion that person inspired in the flesh and continues to inspire in your mind...

for me, the first of may brings such tears, of loss and death, and more, of beautiful memories and hope for more... i am throwing a party for a first of may feeling at this moment... thank goodness i still can after all this time... i thank the first inspiration, amy, for introducing me to these feelings and treasure the memories she and others have added to the first of may parties over the years...

the date on the calendar does not matter, for this feeling is timeless... perhaps it is because the first of december is approaching, or perhaps it is because any moment can be a first of may moment because, after all, it is all in the mind...

still going on

it doesn't have to make sense (usually it doesn't cuz sense requires some sort of serious thinking and who wants to do serious thinking at a party? {unless it's a serious thinking party, or a game party, or something like that} not any fleas i know), it doesn't have to be good, just feel good, that's all, feel good and everything is alright... and to feel good, you need the feel to be italicized, of course, or not, cuz it's up to you...

and even as the world is crumbling down around me, i can feel (wait, i can feel, yeah, that's it), even as i feel like the people i invested the most in are the first to abandon me, even as i remember traumas and cruelties and negativities of my most innocent moments from the start of this life, i still feel and that's all it takes for the party to start (even if it's sometimes a pity party, those can be fun too for a little while)...

it's still going on, and maybe that is the part of me that is hardest to understand or touch because, well, it doesn't require understanding either, no sense, no understanding, just being and feeling being... the experience of feeling being is the party, when will everybody get that?...

well, i'll be here when they do... you too... you are welcome, you know (you oughta know)... the moment you are feeling and know you are at the party, you will be here, wherever you are... and i will feel you and you will feel me and we will feel each other and everything (though not everything is italicized, cha)...

it's not magic or superhuman or special or anything anyone else can not do... i stress, i fret, i mourn, i feel sad and i feel pain, i know doubts and guilt and shame and fear and all the negative feelings sometimes... i just ignore it... it's inside, it's there, it's not gonna drop an anvil on my head or throw a rock at me no matter how much i might fear it will... it is that simple... ignore it and feel (gotta have the feeling, whatever feeling it is, push the fear aside enough to feel and you are at the party (or you could just stay and watch the show until your party comes along)...

it's in there... inside of you, i mean... you'll know someday if not today... the party is life and i'd love you to share it with me, but you don't have to... it goes on with or without us, but it's so much more fun with...

i'll save you a seat :)

just live it

it doesn't matter what you say
it doesn't matter what you do
you end up dying anyway
you may not ever have a clue
your life is all a game you play
i'm not telling you anything new
so why not be yourself today
that is the best that you can do

just be you
this is life
and it's yours
just live it

just be you
party life
open doors
and give it

a chance to be the best life you can live
i'll tell you a little secret now
if you want to know how
it's not what you take
it's not what you have
what makes you who you are is what you give
give yourself a chance to live
the best life you can live

it doesn't matter what you wear
it doesn't matter how you look
those who don't look past the cover
never get to read the book
and life is just the play you write
i'm not telling you anything new
so why not play yourself today
that is the best that you can do

just be you
this is life
and it's yours
just live it

just be you
party life
open doors
and give it

a chance to be the best life you can live
i'll tell you a little secret now
if you want to know how
it's not what you take
it's not what you have
what makes you who you are is what you give
give yourself a chance to live
the best life you can live

and every thing keeps change
there is nothing to fear
invest yourself in something
that inspires you to care
give your love your power
be honest with yourself
remember life is for living
not sitting on a shelf

open your book and fill the pages
write what you know is true
believe in yourself, you are beautiful
that's the best you can do

just be you
this is life
and it's yours
just live it

just be you
party life
open doors
and give it

a chance to be the best life you can live
i'll tell you a little secret now
if you want to know how
it's not what you take
it's not what you have
what makes you who you are is what you give
give yourself a chance to live
the best life you can live

party going on inside

all the self-pity
and the woe is me
is a wasted lazy
fantasy

but i still feel bad
and i still feel sad
and i still miss lovers
i once had
and i still have dreams
and i still wish for
someone to share
everything and more

but the bottom line
what i know is mine
is the party going on inside
when all else is dashed or denied
there's still a roller coaster ride
and i love it at the bottom line
i will not hide
cuz there's a party going on inside

the party of life

yeah, baby, even, this is where i'm gonna come when i am in touch with that part of me that knows life is a party and every moment is a blessing to experience (even the most crappiest ones of all cuz what else is there?... wait, don't answer that, i wanna be surprised :)